Saturday, November 11, 2006


OK I admit it.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today and the crummy weather here in the Northwest doesn't help.

Still, while out and about I saw some of the things that I ALWAYS see and have my own personal thoughts on.
These are not new ideas born of my crummy mood.

I think all of these same things when I'm in a terrific humor on a sunny day.

But since it is "one of those days" here in Vancouver I thought I'd come here and vent...OK?

Here we go.

1. If you dress like a thug or a "gangs-duh" and folks like me don't smile at you or prefer to avoid you all together don't be insulted;
Just take joy in the knowledge that your attempt to look like a criminal was effective.

Still...I would like to ask how it is that when you are wearing pants so huge that you cannot walk without constantly holding them up you plan to be able to run from the po-leese?

2. Similar to #1;
If you are a 300 pound girl and you dress wildly, shave one side of your head and then dye the remaining hair bright purple (to go along with the fifty piercings you have in your ears, eyebrows, nose, lips and god-only-know-where-else) don't be insulted of you catch me fighting a smirk or rolling my eyes when I catch a glimpse of you.

After all, YOU are the one who decided to dress like some bizarre clown from the Satanic Traveling Circus in order to get attention. worked honey!

3. Repeat after me;

There is no "cool" way to push a shopping cart.

This crap of walking to the side and slightly ahead of the cart while holding onto the front corner with one hand as though you are trying to avoid being seen with the shopping cart ain't working for you; It just takes up triple the aisle space so that those of use who want to get by you have no choice but to walk slowly behind you and take note of how huge your butt is.

See that handle on the back of the cart?

It was made just for you and your two hands.

That handle is your friend.

Learn about it. Love it. USE it!.

4. If you cut your seven year old son's hair in a Mohawk and dress him in camouflage pants and a black sleeveless T-shirt don't have a heart attack someday when he starts dealing Meth or ends up on Cops.

And when you take him out in public don't kid yourself that the people looking your way are thinking "Wow...what a cool dad that cute little tyke must have!"

It's more likely that the people staring at you in the parking lot will be trying to see your car's license plate so that they can call Child Protective Services.

5. For those of you who, like me, like to grab a coffee drink at the coffee cart while you are shopping let me be the first to inform you of something which just might shock you;

There is not, nor has there ever been, any such thing as a shot of EX-presso.

Look at the word.

NO 'X'.

NO 'K'...NO 'C'.

So unless you have a tongue piercing (like the girl in my example #2 above) which forces you to sound like you are saying "Mixter" instead of "Mister" you have no excuse.


That's it for now.

I feel better having gotten all of that off my chest.

Thanks for listening.

Maybe I should cut back on the ESS-PRESSO?